Do you ever feel like your spouse just doesn't understand you? Or find yourself walking away from what should have been an enjoyable conversation only to discover it spiraled into an argument? Do you ever ask yourself – What just happened here?! If you've been married for any length of time, you've likely experienced all of these situations.

Most arguments begin when someone doesn't feel listened to, heard, understood, or cared for. When we feel understood, we tend to walk away from conversations feeling satisfied and connected. Conversely, when we don't feel understood, we tend to feel frustrated and either repeat what we said—perhaps slightly differently—or say it louder. Neither approach usually goes very well.

One of the most important things you can do in a conversation to instantly create connection is VALIDATION. Validation doesn't necessarily mean agreement. Rather, it means letting the other person know that you understand where they're coming from and leaving them feeling understood, valued, and important. People often think they are validating the other person; however, if you're using the word "but" or offering your "better idea," it's probably not validation. True validation sounds like: "You make a good point," "You make sense," "I get where you're coming from," or "That's interesting – thanks for giving me another perspective to consider."

So, the next time you're in a conversation, practice the art of validation. It may be just what your relationship needs. I challenge you not just to ponder these ideas, but to act on them. Ask yourself: What will YOU do for love?